While I thought my life was normal even though it continuously spiralled out of control those that were truly close to me and cared about me my whanau saw otherwise. While they wanted to help me and tried many times so eventually realised that they had to let me go to follow my journey which ever that maybe good or bad. I received a final letter from my mother asking where her son had gone, his morals, values emotions were all gone, I had become a body without a soul. She wrote about how only I could help myself as they were not prepared to put up with what I had become and were preparing themselves for my funeral.
That letter was beginning of my recovery, seeing in words that I could not escape the hurt I was putting on my whanau through hurt a part of my soul that remained.
The journey of recovery was not easy to begin with I had to isolate myself from the society and culture I knew, the drug culture, I lost all my friends or who I thought were friends. I knew I couldn’t stay isolated, so I threw myself into something I had only previously dreamed about doing speedway racing, it was a new adrenaline rush where I began meeting new people that’s lives did not solely revolve around drug and alcohol use.
Whilst speedway helped in my recovery there was still something missing I was still not myself and still struggled at times. I visited my doctor who suggested I go to an outpatient rehab centre which I did. He also discussed how if I got into full recovery it would be good to see me help others reach that goal. After some thought I enrolled in a social work degree. With the combination of rehab and study I learnt a lot about myself and the illness I had called ADDICTION.
Recovery isn’t easy to begin with, but it is worth the journey. Life is so much more fun and worthwhile being drug free. Only you can change yourself with help from others but you have to make the first step.
Kia kaha – G. S.
10 years in recovery from meth and other drugs, 17 years alcohol free.