I didn’t deal with rejection well, so I thought I better do it too. Eventually, I found out my father smoked weed too so we used to get stoned to bond.
I had a family member pass away suddenly due to addiction. Smoking weed helped stop the pain of that, but it wasn't enough, I needed something else, this led to a friend offering me acid and magic mushrooms and eventually I found my way to methamphetamine.
By the time a started using methamphetamine I had a son of my own, but my addiction came first. He was exposed to drug runs, sleeping in strangers’ houses while I was sleeping with someone for money. I was in a relationship with daily violence, being sexually abused. Having a gun held to my head to fulfil his fetish of seeing me with the bruises on my temples or forehead. My son was surrounded in this every day before my mother took him into her care when he was 6 months for safety and the love he needed. I was only allowed to visit in weekends if I wasn’t off my tree which didn’t happen often.
One of my benders landed me in hospital. I went for a 15-hour car ride away from home with no wallet no phone and no way of getting home, I meet a guy at the bus stop asking if I was ok. I was in a hospital gown as my clothes were cut off me. I said to the man, apparently, I was nearly dead in a ditch, but I don’t know how I got there, must have been a good night. I laughed then asked if he knew where to get meth. He laughed and said I came to the right bus stop; he was a dealer. I ended up doing repos and sleeping with him to get my hit for about a month then my mum sent for me.
My Mum thought I was dead but still I didn’t stop. It was the first visit with my son for his 2nd birthday. My mum went to the toilet, I picked up my son, grabbed a nappy bag packed for later that day and ran. I had a mate pick us up, no car seat or anything. My son smiled and said yay road trip with mummy. Three days later I was at an acquaintance's house in the bush. My son was watching Disney channel and I was called into the garage to get high. As I got up my son grabbed my hand and said mummy why don't you love me. It hit me hard like a ton of bricks. I picked him up and all his stuff, stole a car of whoever was in the house and took him home and told my mum I need to get clean. Surprisingly she moved me in and got me into Hanmer Clinic for rehab.
I knew this was my only chance, no room for relapse. There was only one meeting for Narcotic Anonymous a week but a town close by had them every day, and I went every single day for a year. I had a support person, my Aunty that walked my journey with me. Every meeting she came with me.
I am currently 10 years clean with three children in my care. I’m married, have gone back to school and I work. I pay bills like an adult and have my own legal cars. I am happy.
Secret to getting clean for me is NA meeting support and a day, hour or even a minute at a time.