My Story

I felt I was different all my life and at 8 years of age I became aware of this. I ate SOS lollies (cough lollies) and unbeknown to me, these contained a form of alcohol, and that alcohol would be the burst I needed to get me through the day.  I see this now only in retrospect. 

My first experience of a mood- and mind-altering substance would have been nicotine. My mother smoked Pall Mall menthol and my sister, and I would often steal one or two and go under the house to smoke them.

At age 13 I, along with a friend, bought a bottle of blackberry nip. I remember my friend stopped drinking, threw up and passed out. I proceeded to finish the bottle, hopped into bed, and threw up violently. Not a good experience one would think, but it did not hinder my progress on to harder alcohol, smoking cigarettes (we had stolen), cannabis, hash oil and 4-way trips.

In my teens I felt ten feet tall and bulletproof. But my use was not like other social drinkers or non-drinkers. I would not stop any mood- or mind-altering substance until it was all gone.

I had my first child at 21 and my use slowed as I was a young mother struggling to parent on my own.  However, my use didn’t slow for too long.

My oldest child was taken from my care by my parents. I had arrived home late, and my parents were there. They said they were aware I wasn’t coping well. This led me to spiral downward. I used for another 6 months, was mixing with undesirable people and use to wake up to use and use all day until I passed out.

After 6 months of hard out using anything and everything, I admitted I had a problem and I entered Higher Ground Rehabilitation Centre, which was in Parnell at the time. I was the only voluntary person there. During this time I was able to start being honest for the first time in my life. After 4.5 months of being there, I left and was able to enter a halfway house in Thames.

Being in a recovery halfway house enabled me to get both my children back.

I am forever grateful to Higher Ground for the privilege of being there and for helping give me the tools to live life clean and sober.

After a period of 12 years, I relapsed for 7 years in Australia. This time when I came home, I was welcomed to the Hanmer Clinic in Tauranga. This time I used the 12 steps and meetings, educational groups, social walking group, etc., to support my recovery.

I am not enmeshed with the 12 steps although they will be the foundation for life. I encompass other things, such as weaving to calm, centre and clear my mind. I garden as I love to see things grow.  At the age of 64, I am prepared to start looking at the Bible and the teachings therein. Meditation and visualisation also help with maintaining my mental health for me.

After 5 years clean, I do not wish to attend meetings and do so on a very irregular basis, I instead spend time pursuing other interests.

Naku iti noa

J.T.